Respect vs Invalidation

Respect means different things to different people. The meaning for each of us is closely connected to our own beliefs. It tends to mean being considerate to others, valuing somebody, holding someone in high regard and having admiration. However our own precise picture of respect will differ according to our beliefs and values. What is interesting is that it is vital to have self respect in order to properly respect others. What is your own picture of respect? Do you have self respect? You should. Self respect is vital for a healthy and positive life. It is easily attacked by tiredness, stress and anxiety, but it is incumbent on us all to try and regain our own respect at these times. Think about the way you behave when you have low self respect - at times when you feel tired or anxious. How can you rebuild your respect for yourself when you sink to these lows? Having a strategy will help when you get there. You are a unique and wonderful human being, remind yourself of that and make a list of the things that you can do to bring a feeling of esteem and admiration about yourself every day.It is easy to invalidate ourselves or others through actions, words or decisions.What do I mean by invalidate? With regards to yourself perhaps not following through on things that you have said, hanging round with people who don't fully support you and treat you badly, eating an unhealthy diet or not pursuing your dreams. With respect to others, how often do you turn up late, or not pay proper attention? Perhaps you demean others' achievements, gossip, lie, or shout. All of this is invalidating behaviour and when we do it to others we are invalidating ourselves. There is a really interesting book that I have been reading called, "Taming Your Gremlins" by Rick Carson. It describes a technique in a very readable way of how to become aware of "your gremlin" (an invalidating voice which is the composite of a lot of things from the past) and step away from it. Observe and detach. For instance if you are standing in front of a group of people about to do a presentation, you may have thoughts running through your head such as, "they'll think I'm boring, they'll think I don't know what I am talking about". This would be your "gremlin" talking. It has no basis of reality in the here and now, and it is serving to diminish your positive feelings about yourself. Once you become aware of this you can choose to ignore it or come up with another strategy to triumph over the negative voice. Your gremlin. They can take on many different forms but we all have them. We need to respect ourselves and stay true to that so that we can in turn show respect for others. Remember you have a choice as to what you feel. Nobody can make you feel anything without your permission. Don't let them bring you down!