Empowering Perspective

Very often we hold limiting perspectives which don't serve us any purpose. On the contrary they can cause stress and misery in our lives. For instance when I gave up my career to look after my children full time I found it very challenging. I was used to being constantly mentally occupied and I found the sudden cessation to that extremely difficult. More specifically when I was looking after the little ones and basically facilitating their simplistic play, I felt that I was "doing nothing and wasting time". This made me feel frustrated, and miserable and probably was picked up on at some level by my children. Over time I managed to change the perspective to one that was much more empowering. I viewed exactly the same actions of facilitating play in the following way, "I am really lucky to have the time to spend with my children when they are growing up. By being here for them I am giving them love and security and emotional and educational support. I am giving them what they need in the moment. I am spending my time in a very fulfilling way." By changing my perspective on what I was doing, I was able to apply myself to the task differently. This affected how engaged I was at the time of play. Instead of drifting away mentally, worrying about what I was not doing, I focussed on enjoying the play. This was much better for the children and much more fun and rewarding for me. Limiting perspectives are not useful. Empowering ones on the other hand are.My son will often say "I can't do X", I always encourage him to try and think of it instead from the following perspective, "I am learning to do X, it is difficult but anything worthwhile is usually challenging. I will get there if I persevere." If ever you feel that you have a negative perspective, I would encourage you to try and find a positive one to replace it. It is always possible and it will undoubtedly make you happier and more fulfilled.

Understanding someone else's perspective

Henry Ford said this about success, "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own". There may indeed be something in that. Our perspective on anything is coloured by our beliefs, values and experience. It is also very much influenced by the way in which we see something. For instance as a very simple example, if I have a large piece of paper and I hold it up so that you can see one side and someone else can see the other. I have painted the paper different colours on each side. What you see is a red piece of paper, what they see is a green piece of paper. You are both adamant that you are correct in identifying the colour of the piece of paper. In fact neither of you are entirely right, but both are in part.If you alter the position from which you view the paper you can suddenly understand why the other person had a very different perspective to your own. This very simple visual example can often be applied to everyday situations in which you find yourself with a very different point of view to somebody else. By understanding what fuels the other person's perspective you are in a much stronger position to have a more complete view of the subject in hand. You may ultimately maintain your original perspective, but more likely you will modify it in some way to encompass the new and additional information. More often than not this will lead you to a more successful outcome if you are working on an idea or a project. It will also in most cases lead to more harmony with your friends or colleagues. Exploring other perspectives therefore should be a fulfilling exercise which can make you stronger and more successful and make you more empathetic and understanding of others.

Dignity

I was very impressed this week with the quiet dignity demonstrated in the statement given by the Norgrove parents. They have suffered an indescribable loss in their daughter having been killed in a rescue attempt in Afghanistan. What has stood out for me about them is two things. Firstly they gave no initial reaction to the media when the tragedy occurred. This showed immense restraint and allowed them the time and distance for an appropriate and measured response rather than a reaction that would have been more spontaneous and perhaps not as true in representing how they would feel once they had had time to properly assimilate the devastating news. The second thing which impressed me is how when they have come to make a statement, they have exhibited true dignity. The media has made much of the failed rescue attempt and alluded to the fact that Linda Norgrove may have lived had the US forces held off and waited for more negotiations. The parents however were very clear in that nobody knows what would have happened had the rescue attempt not been made. They express gratitude and respect for the honesty of the Americans in admitting that they were probably responsible for the death. They explicitly say that they do not want to get into the blame game, as that will not bring Linda back. At some level you sense in their statements an acceptance of the fact that Linda took a substantial risk in being in Afghanistan in the first place. In their actions and their words in the middle of a time of intense grief Mr and Mrs Norgrove are an outstanding example to all of us. If we could all learn to respond slowly rather than react hastily, and if we could all learn to take responsibility and reject the blame game then the world would surely be a happier and better place. If we could also realise like them that any outcome comes about because of a myriad of factors and we cannot second guess what would have happened had any of those factors been different, we would surely be more comfortable in our decisions and not let hindsight persuade us that what might have happened would have been so much better, if only we had done things slightly differently.