Power Listening - do you?

How many of us truly listen? Do you? A good coach listens 80% and talks 20%....that strikes me as a bit of a challenge. I want to help people. Historically I have approached that by listening carefully and then giving copious and well thought out advice. A coach though must listen, suppress judgment, resist the urge to butt in and then when we do respond, we need to be sparing with advice. Rather we need to respond deeply to what the client has been saying and try to redirect them or help them progress on the way to finding the solution to their own issues. This is a challenge, and an interesting one. Some of the techniques I have been learning about in the "power listening" modules are really thought provoking. Very simple but very effective. I am even starting to apply them to every day conversations. Very powerful. So what am I talking about and can it help you? Help you in the way that you listen to others and also in the way that you listen to yourself. Firstly, try allowing a pause after the person who is talking to you has finished speaking. If you can do this, then very often they will start to speak again, giving you more information and improving their communication. This is particularly useful with people who are trying to explain something to you. Don't jump in with your opinion, wait and see if they give you more. Secondly, think about some often used words. How often do you say or do you hear the words "trying", "should". What do they actually mean? Are you really trying? Are you committed to change, or are you just thinking that you are? An example might be, "I am trying to lose weight". Often we say that we are trying without putting into place the commitment and action to achieve the desired result. Sometimes we don't even realise this, and so although we think we are trying, we are not really, and thus we can get disappointed or frustrated by lack of progress. If we shift our mindset to commitment rather than just trying then we should achieve more easily. Another often uttered or heard word is "should". For example, "I should go to the gym". Should you? Why? Says who? If you do want to then that is fine, but if you don't then question why you think that you should. Is it because of what others say? If we can determine what we really want to do and why, it will be easier to either abandon the plan without guilt and refocus our energy on something else or to decide more positively on a course of action, because "should" is really "want".