So what is a coach anyway?

What is a coach? What do you think it is? The International Coach Federation " defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential." (for more on ICF see http://www.coachfederation.org/). What does that actually mean? Coaching is a relatively new profession. It is not well regulated which is why the ICF set itself up back in 1995 to create a standard for coaching. Coaching derives from and draws on a whole host of other professions and fields including sports coach, counseling, consulting, therapy, mentoring, cognitive behavioural therapy, and neuro linguistic programming. Although it uses parts of all of the above in greater or lesser degrees depending on the coaching niche and on the coach themselves, it is also distinct from each of them. Whereas counseling and therapy focus predominantly on the past and particularly on solving problems for people who may be in real need of help, coaching looks mainly to the future and is practised on normal, healthy people. Consulting is often employed by corporates to help solve problems in the workplace, coaching can do the same thing but the way the problem is solved is fundamentally different. Consulting provides the answer, coaching helps the client find the answer themselves. In coaching, the client is the expert in the issue at hand, not the coach. Mentoring is offered by more experienced people to those of lesser experience, the partnership is unequal, and advice is given usually from the perspective of the giver. The coach/client relationship is one of equals and the advice given if requested is purely based on the client's perspective. A coach's aim is to help a client reach their potential in a personal or professional capacity. How does a coach do that? The coach will listen intently to what the client says (and doesn't say), will ask powerful questions based on what has been said, and heard, and will lead the client into a deeper think about certain situations. Often the coach will help to shift the perspective of the client so that they can view situations in different ways. Advice can be given, experiences shared if it is likely to be helpful, but each session is wholly focused on the client. Coaches may dig in to people's values and underlying beliefs in order to understand the client and lead them in the best direction. Coaches will help the clients create goals, and provide a framework for measuring, and celebrating those goals. The methods are relatively simple, and like all things simple can be extremely effective. The bottom line is that through conversation, a coach will help you work on any issue or area within your life that is either troubling you or is not wholly satisfying to you and assist you to come up with an actionable solution. Coaching is for normal people, it is for people in all walks of life, at any level of academic achievement. Even the most successful people can benefit. Done well coaching is extremely empowering.

Values, what are yours and why does it matter?

What are your values and why does it matter? This has been a very thought provoking class for me. The basic premise of the class is that you need to be aware of your values and live your life according to them in order to live the happiest, most intellectually/emotionally comfortable life. If you become misaligned with your values then you risk feeling unhappy with the direction of your life. This all sounds a little bit touchy feely doesn't it, the moment where lots of high achievers likely switch off. However I think there is actually some merit in it and if you indulge me for a few minutes and read the rest of this post, then you could also come to the same view and more importantly it could help you make decisions to improve your current quality of life.
So what is a value? According to the Oxford Concise English dictionary there were 2 definitions which seemed most applicable in this instance. i) moral principles or accepted standards and ii)Desirability of a thing. My immediate association when I heard the word values in the coaching context was more in line with the first meaning, but I think that coaches also uses the word values in terms of the second. So a value is probably a core principle, something important to us, an ideal or belief that helps shape our behaviour. Some of us may instantly know what our core values are, but others may find it more difficult to identify them. A list of 5-8 is probably appropriate when thinking of what is most important to you. If you can create a list of these values, prioritise them and then define each one as it applies to you, you can subsequently consider whether you are living your life according to them. If you are having trouble deciding what yours are, or how to prioritise them, you may find it useful to either search for a comprehensive list online, or take a value test at the following site ; www.coachlee.com. After you have done this you may then like to consider what your life's purpose is. Again that sounds like another very grand question, which you may balk at answering. If you do consider the question though it might help you readjust your direction, and the way that you are spending your time. You can then look at your life's purpose, create 5 or so goals around that, and then construct some action steps to get there. Go on, have a go, the result might fill you with renewed energy, and excitement to start achieving the things that you want and that are in tune with your core values. It may also help to explain why you have been feeling uneasy in an area of your life, for example your sales job may not quite be in tune with your value of honesty and so you don't fully enjoy your job. Clarifying your values and life purpose may also assist you in making key decisions in your life.

To help you out, I outline below an example of what this exercise may look like:

An example of core values might be : Family, Integrity ,Motivation, Achievement, Passion, Financial Independence.
An example of life's purpose might be :Living life meaningfully
An example of goal's to reach that purpose might be; i)Caring for and Spending time with family,(ii)Creating a successful career, iii)Strong relationship with a spouse, iv)Active leisure time, v)Relaxation time.
Behavioural changes necessary to achieve the purpose: Laugh more, Shout less, Reduce alcohol, Exercise more.
Action steps - would need to be specific and quantifiable. I'll leave that to your imagination.

Have a go!!

Power Listening - do you?

How many of us truly listen? Do you? A good coach listens 80% and talks 20%....that strikes me as a bit of a challenge. I want to help people. Historically I have approached that by listening carefully and then giving copious and well thought out advice. A coach though must listen, suppress judgment, resist the urge to butt in and then when we do respond, we need to be sparing with advice. Rather we need to respond deeply to what the client has been saying and try to redirect them or help them progress on the way to finding the solution to their own issues. This is a challenge, and an interesting one. Some of the techniques I have been learning about in the "power listening" modules are really thought provoking. Very simple but very effective. I am even starting to apply them to every day conversations. Very powerful. So what am I talking about and can it help you? Help you in the way that you listen to others and also in the way that you listen to yourself. Firstly, try allowing a pause after the person who is talking to you has finished speaking. If you can do this, then very often they will start to speak again, giving you more information and improving their communication. This is particularly useful with people who are trying to explain something to you. Don't jump in with your opinion, wait and see if they give you more. Secondly, think about some often used words. How often do you say or do you hear the words "trying", "should". What do they actually mean? Are you really trying? Are you committed to change, or are you just thinking that you are? An example might be, "I am trying to lose weight". Often we say that we are trying without putting into place the commitment and action to achieve the desired result. Sometimes we don't even realise this, and so although we think we are trying, we are not really, and thus we can get disappointed or frustrated by lack of progress. If we shift our mindset to commitment rather than just trying then we should achieve more easily. Another often uttered or heard word is "should". For example, "I should go to the gym". Should you? Why? Says who? If you do want to then that is fine, but if you don't then question why you think that you should. Is it because of what others say? If we can determine what we really want to do and why, it will be easier to either abandon the plan without guilt and refocus our energy on something else or to decide more positively on a course of action, because "should" is really "want".

The first week of lessons

I gave up my 13 years career in finance 2 years ago. I decided the time was right to relocate to England (after 9 years in Tokyo) and to look after my 2 young children full time. I had previously fitted them around my very enjoyable but very demanding job and although that seemed ok, it really wasn't enough to see them less than an hour a day. My 3rd child was born 7 months later and now that he is 19 months and I have looked after the kids full time for 2 years, I am very ready to rebalance things a little in favour of me.

So I thought long and hard about how to do something that would be enjoyable, challenging and that would also allow me to continue to look after the children around their preschool and schooling. I contemplated writing a novel for a long time, but when it came down to it, it seemed too

much of a solitary pursuit, and too long term in nature. I finally decided on coaching. It seemed to be a flexible career choice and one that was of great interest to me.

My former career was in equity sales. I managed Japanese equity sales for a large US investment bank. I was located in Tokyo. I enjoyed a lot about the job, but some of the things that I found most challenging and most rewarding were managing and mentoring people well. Helping people whatever their ability to succeed. Some of the skill sets learnt here I thought might fit into coaching. I also found during my career as a whole that exceptional managers were not the norm. Thus there is a need for executive coaching.

So here I am. Recently enrolled in a coaching school (ICA) and really enjoying lessons. It is a course requirement to do a blog throughout my time at the school and I plan to write on a weekly basis.

First impressions? i)Very comprehensive course material, ii)Thought provoking calls which very cleverly add to the course content, iii)I have a lot to learn. iv)I am even more excited about becoming a coach, and itching to put to practise what I am learning, v)I realise that a lot of the skills that I have that I thought would be good in coaching will, but many will also need to be adapted, and many more new ones learned.

Biggest takeaway in the first week? Coaches should listen 80% of time and talk just 20%. Their principal role is to help the client find their own answers by listening and questioning powerfully. The coach is not there to provide the answers, and often should not be there to provide opinion.