Do You Celebrate enough?

Is it just me or do we tend to celebrate less as we get older? I notice with my children that there is constant celebration for the things that they achieve - praise for eating properly, rewards for good behaviour particularly when it posed a challenge, praise for every new thing that they learn. It makes them happy and it encourages them to achieve more. Celebration is also a big part of their own lives - they anticipate birthdays with a fervour, looking forward to the next almost as soon as the last is past and they love big parties or things which mark the event! They celebrate the little things in life that appeal to them. Recently I let my kids have lunch in the garden, an unusual and unexpected event and they were absolutely thrilled, running round with excitement and delight. Why is it that we celebrate less as we advance in age? Did we want to be "cooler" in our teenage years, did we increasingly get embarrassed by success and then got out of the habit and finally forgot the art of celebration almost altogether? I haven't really marked my birthday of late, but this year I will, I will celebrate the day and feel glad that I was given this gift of life. In my current studies we are encouraged to incorporate celebrations for goal achievement into any action plan. These celebrations can be big or small, appropriate to the thing which we achieve - so it could be a bar of chocolate, a massage or simply ten minutes to ourselves to read. The key thing though is to actually celebrate, to plan it and to do it - to feel good about our achievements and to feel good about ourselves. At first I felt a little reluctant to do this - success in itself seemed to be enough, but actually the more I reflect the more I realise that it is a good idea. We should celebrate, all of us, little and often and sometimes big. Celebration is something which can help us feel good about ourselves, make others feel good and spur us on to do more, see more, enjoy more. That surely is something worth celebrating in itself!! Go on, find something to celebrate today.

How do you react when things go wrong?

I am one of those people who loves being in control. When I am in control I tend to manage things pretty well. In a professional environment even when things go wrong I can rise to the occasion and remain calm and collected, coming up with rational and effective solutions. However, when things start to go wrong in a personal context, I spiral quickly downwards until depending on the situation I either start shouting at everyone, storming round like a madwoman trying to fix things, or worrying myself and others around me crazy . I'll give you a couple of examples. I could be in a car on the way to the airport. We are in good time, but then take a wrong turn, get stuck in a traffic jam that isn't moving at all, and there is a distinct possibility that we might miss our flight. Our 3 kids are in the back of the car. There is absolutely nothing that I can do in this situation, and as I have no physical control at all over the outcome my instinctive reaction is to panic, and to worry. I will sit there in silence, getting more and more tense and then unable to contain it will start to verbalise the "doomsday scenario", "we're going to miss the plane", "we're never going to get there", "what are we going to do" , "we'll be stuck in a hotel" etc etc. Meanwhile husband's calm is being affected and the kids are starting to get worried, or at least sense that something is wrong. A whole load of negative energy and tension to no positive effect whatsoever. My reaction is unhelpful. It is something I am determined to change. How? I am going to try and respond to the situation next time. Changing a habit or an automatic reaction will not be easy even with the best of intentions but I am going to try. My strategy is to do a combination of the following. i)Breathing....deep, slow, deliberate breathing. Very simple but it does work. Even 4 seconds of pause can help change the reaction. ii)Asking myself some questions such as "what is the worst thing that can happen here?" And on knowing that, "well is that really so bad?" In most cases it probably isn't. Another question might be "will this still make me so upset in a week's time?" If the answer is "no", then the question becomes," then why should it bother me so much now?" The best question might be, "Will me getting upset help or hurt the situation?" Invariably the answer will be hurt. When I lose control I invariably react badly and this can be in even minor situations such as trying to get all the kids ready for school and out of the door on time. As that is a matter of routine there are additional measures I can take such as planning the morning in such a way that we shouldn't be running late by any stretch of the imagination (I tend to feel I am running late when I am still 5 minutes early!), and there shouldn't be any need for me to feel the control slipping. In the event that it does though, I will try to remind myself that generally it is still easier to get things done if one remains calm and firm rather than frantic. I know from experience that my children react well to firm and calm instructions and less so to me trying to rush them. This is the thought that I try to remind myself of if I ever feel myself slipping into the "madwoman persona", out of control and spiralling further down. My husband can't understand my reaction at all, as after all I have never been late....and he has a point, but then I would counter that by saying that it is because I do run round in a whirlwind that we have never been so. I think both of us are partially right - certainly there is no need to get so frantic, but equally being on time takes focus. The answer in this lies in the planning. It also lies in the reaction to the unforeseen, and therein lies my challenge.