Do you listen to your children?

Last week my 5 year old son had a mufty day at school in order to raise products to put in the hampers to be raffled off at the Christmas plays. As he was getting ready for school he told me that he had to wear "a Christmas theme". Now as I was on the PTFA committe who had arranged the day and as we had agreed upon no theme, I said "no I don't think so". He said "yes Mummy, my teacher said we had to wear something Christmassy." I confidently told him that wasn't right and proceeded to bundle him off to school. I later pulled up at his school to drop off my daughter at preschool and saw immediately that the majority of children had on Christmas hats, or something similar. I felt terrible, and even more so on being told by a parent that the children who had dressed up were getting a star!! Poor Jamie, he had got it right and I had just not listened to him. As it happened I managed to borrow a hat from the preschool for him. Nevertheless, I continued to mull over this during the day. I realised that I need to listen to others more, as I have a tendency to have confidence in my own opinion when I have good reason to believe that I am right. However, what I fail to do is consider that something may have changed. There were 2 lessons for me in this incident - one was to consider that things can change and new information can occur, and the second was that I really should listen to my son..he may be young, but he is sensible and truthful and I should always try to pay proper attention to what he has to say.

Empowering Perspective

Very often we hold limiting perspectives which don't serve us any purpose. On the contrary they can cause stress and misery in our lives. For instance when I gave up my career to look after my children full time I found it very challenging. I was used to being constantly mentally occupied and I found the sudden cessation to that extremely difficult. More specifically when I was looking after the little ones and basically facilitating their simplistic play, I felt that I was "doing nothing and wasting time". This made me feel frustrated, and miserable and probably was picked up on at some level by my children. Over time I managed to change the perspective to one that was much more empowering. I viewed exactly the same actions of facilitating play in the following way, "I am really lucky to have the time to spend with my children when they are growing up. By being here for them I am giving them love and security and emotional and educational support. I am giving them what they need in the moment. I am spending my time in a very fulfilling way." By changing my perspective on what I was doing, I was able to apply myself to the task differently. This affected how engaged I was at the time of play. Instead of drifting away mentally, worrying about what I was not doing, I focussed on enjoying the play. This was much better for the children and much more fun and rewarding for me. Limiting perspectives are not useful. Empowering ones on the other hand are.My son will often say "I can't do X", I always encourage him to try and think of it instead from the following perspective, "I am learning to do X, it is difficult but anything worthwhile is usually challenging. I will get there if I persevere." If ever you feel that you have a negative perspective, I would encourage you to try and find a positive one to replace it. It is always possible and it will undoubtedly make you happier and more fulfilled.

Understanding someone else's perspective

Henry Ford said this about success, "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own". There may indeed be something in that. Our perspective on anything is coloured by our beliefs, values and experience. It is also very much influenced by the way in which we see something. For instance as a very simple example, if I have a large piece of paper and I hold it up so that you can see one side and someone else can see the other. I have painted the paper different colours on each side. What you see is a red piece of paper, what they see is a green piece of paper. You are both adamant that you are correct in identifying the colour of the piece of paper. In fact neither of you are entirely right, but both are in part.If you alter the position from which you view the paper you can suddenly understand why the other person had a very different perspective to your own. This very simple visual example can often be applied to everyday situations in which you find yourself with a very different point of view to somebody else. By understanding what fuels the other person's perspective you are in a much stronger position to have a more complete view of the subject in hand. You may ultimately maintain your original perspective, but more likely you will modify it in some way to encompass the new and additional information. More often than not this will lead you to a more successful outcome if you are working on an idea or a project. It will also in most cases lead to more harmony with your friends or colleagues. Exploring other perspectives therefore should be a fulfilling exercise which can make you stronger and more successful and make you more empathetic and understanding of others.